Happy Father’s Day – What Is A Father?
The Value of Fathers
I’d like to share a story with you about a girl and her two fathers. One who wasn’t in her life, and the one who was …
by Kara Milton | Contributing Writer | Eternal Affairs Media
What is a father?
Is he one of two who gave you your life? Is he a man who cares for you? Is he a man who teaches?
What is a father to you?
Ask yourself that question as you read this. Perhaps you will see yourself, or a friend in my words.
This article will be different to others. I don’t want to just give you an opinion, I want to show you how important our fathers are. The hope is that every father will be there for his child, but the harsh reality is that often, this is far from the truth.
I’d like to share a story with you about a girl and her two fathers. One who wasn’t in her life, and the one who was.
There once was a girl born to a young mother. Her mother had split from her father months before she was born, as her father had a new lover. Despite the rocky split, her father stayed in her life, and would visit her on the weekends at his mother’s home. He came to her birthday and lavished her with gifts. She would cuddle with him, and he would hold her up to reach the ceiling. He was her everything. Her world. She shared his hair color and thick brows, and thanks to him, she shared his Grandfather’s proud Irish roots. Little did she know at her young age that her world would unravel, and she would learn to blame herself, thinking she was at fault.
Two years after her birth, her half-sister was born. Her father’s new partner, the mother of her sister was jealous, and due to this, he visited her less and less. When he would visit, he would bring his new daughter and would pay little attention to his first-born. He steadily became a ghost to her, and her heart ached to cuddle up to him again, to be lifted up to reach the ceiling, to tell him all the wonderful things she had done at nursery, and later, at school. But he didn’t seem to listen or want to know, and she became lost in his shadow. Though blameless, she couldn’t understand what she had done wrong.
Why did he no longer love her?
One day at a local summer fair, she walked with her mother enjoying the day, and was excited to see her father as she was told he would be there. She enjoyed herself, playing games and going on rides.
Every now and then, she would look round to find him.
After a while, she met up with him, but she was unhappy to see that he had brought her sister and his lover with him. They spent time together, and as she walked out of a building with her mother, she saw him walk away, carrying her sister. She called out to him, but he didn’t turn, and she was left in tears. She cried and cried and blamed herself for the following ten years.
When she turned 18, she contacted him.
When she heard his voice, she broke down in tears, so happy to hear him after so long. They spoke about where they were going to meet, decided on a place and a date, and looked forward to it. When that day came, she waited and saw him walk past her three times. On the fourth pass, she called out to him, and they embraced. But that feeling she had grown to feel as a child, was gone. She hardly recognized him. They went out for a meal, and when the day was done, he saw her off on the bus, and she never heard from him again despite him promising to contact her.
She had another father.
From the day she was born, she was the light of her grandfather’s life. His princess. A nickname he would call her even when she reached her twenties. He taught her how to be strong and how to defend herself, verbally and physically. He taught her how to tie a shoe and ride a bike and countless other things. She learnt compassion from him, and when he learnt of her visiting her father, he was displeased but understood what she needed to do. He drove her to school and to the countryside and to the beach where they would eat and watch the ships on the horizon. She was never alone, even when her father left, she always had a father figure in her life.
That is my story, the harsh reality of what I went through without my biological father in my life. But that isn’t to say I didn’t have a father figure. My Grandad was a father to me, and a father doesn’t need to be related to you to be one. Having a man present in a child’s life, no matter whether they are an Uncle, a close family friend or an older brother or cousin will be enough to provide what they need.
Just how many have been affected by not having a father or father figure in their life?
A study in 2017 showed that 1 in 4 American children grow up within a fatherless home, and those results can have some damaging effects.
A Father and his Daughter
For a young girl, her daddy is her whole world. He may not be able to teach her what her mother can, but he can teach her experiences her mother can’t. From the moment she is born, she is his world too. He will do anything for her. He will protect her, but he will also show her how to defend herself. No man will be good enough for her, and believe me, she knows.
She may stop calling him daddy. But to him, she will always be his baby, his princess, the precious, headstrong tough-nut beauty in his life. As she grows older, she will have found herself along with her strength. Forget all this toxic masculinity you have heard about lately. Nothing is toxic about a man being a man who instills those traits in his daughter. She is strong and can hold her own because of him. She can speak her mind and go through life to find a good man who she hopes will be as good a father as hers.
But what if he was never in her life, from birth or, like me, as a child?
She may never have the same strength as she would have with a father. She may not have the traits and morals he would have instilled in her. And when she comes to find a man of her own? She may choose the wrong one. One who may leave their child. And the cycle will continue to happen.
A Father and his Son
For a young boy, his dad is the man he’ll look up to for guidance and strength and what it means to be a man. They will become the best of friends, buddies, pals. For a father, his son is his little mini me, and he hopes he will grow to be just like him.
He will see his dad cheering him on from the bleachers, arguing with other dads about whose boy is the best, whilst proudly shouting at the top of his lungs, ‘He’s mine, that one right there,’ and if he misses a game? You’d best be sure that man is going to want to know everything that happened and give some well-aimed pointers for the next game. When he grows older, he will find a girl and cherish her and know how to treat her right, because his dad didn’t just teach him strength, but compassion too.
And what if a young man grows up without a father in the home? He may never experience the strength and compassion he would have learnt, and when he comes to find a girl and start a family, he doesn’t have the experience of what being a father truly means. He may struggle to be a father to his own children, despite wanting to give his child everything as he doesn’t want them to grow up without a father as he did. There may also be an uprise in behavioral issues, or a tendency to commit crime without learnt discipline.
Biological Fathers
From the moment a man hears the little heartbeat is detected in his partner’s womb, he becomes a father. But it takes more to become a dad to his child. There will be ups and downs like everything in life, and even if the relationship with his partner becomes frayed, the hope is that the bond with his child will be unbreakable. They share features and personalities, and a surname that their sons will carry. He is a solid rock, not just for his child, but for the woman who bore and gave life to him, or her. Responsibility to be a father is far from easy, but it is a blessing, and a journey so unique and profound that it’s a shame to miss.
Found Fathers
A found father can be any man whether related, or not. Perhaps they are a stepfather who, no pun intended, stepped in when no other man would. Perhaps they are an older brother, or an Uncle, or Cousin, or a close family friend turned godfather for their goddaughter or godson. Like my Grandy (my Grandfather) was, and still is to me, a found father is a special man who was there to raise a child. Despite often times not being blood related, the bond between a found father and a child is just as, if not stronger than the bond between a biological father and his child. And they will be there to teach them and raise them and cheer them on through their life.
Teach them right
I’d like to take a moment to address everyone, even the women who may be reading this. If there is a young man or woman in your life who grew up without a father in their lives, or who perhaps lost their father, be there for them. Be a surrogate father to them and hold them up. Be open to listening to them. Do you perhaps understand what they are going through with their own fathers? Talk to them about your experiences.
And to all the mothers out there, teach your sons how to treat women with respect, how to defend themselves and how to present themselves. That young man in your life could perhaps be a father himself in the future, and wouldn’t it be wonderful to see him stay in his child’s life? To know how to act and how to raise their child to do the same? It can be a struggle, but there will be light at the end of that tunnel, you just have to take the first steps along that track to reach it.
Our Heavenly Father
A prayer for fathers
Dear Lord, thank you for all the wonderful fathers out there who teach their children to walk through life and face each day with their heads held high. Please bless each man so that they may continue to raise their children and keep them on the right path, and please bless each young man and boy so they may become great men like those before them. Thank you for being there to guide us when no one else could and show us the light to get back on the right path when we have strayed. All this I ask in the name of Jesus Christ. In His name be the Glory in everything I do and experience.
Amen.
Happy Father’s Day
Thank you to all the wonderful fathers out there. It can’t have been easy at times, but you stuck it out and stayed through the bad. Through the tantrums and rebellious phases. Through the awkward talks about the birds and bees, and the parent/teacher meetings to discuss a failing grade.
You witnessed the good.
In your daughters you watched them grow to be wonderful, confident women. And with your sons, you watched as they grew to be strong, compassionate men you could be truly proud of. You should be proud of yourselves. Take this moment, and every day following to remember that you stayed.
Please be sure to share this with others, young and old, and show them the importance of the value of fathers.
